you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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