HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
