What did we do last night that was yellow?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
