There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
