Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Ladies don't puke and tell
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
