I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
