I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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