Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
