She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
