Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
