kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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