i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
