I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
