chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So apparently I’m into choking now
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
