Kiss
Puke
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
