I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
