i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
