I think i peed on brittanys purse
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Help. Why am I so naked?
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