Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
