I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
