So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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