I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
