some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
