I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
