i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
