I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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