I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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