i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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