Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
