I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Randomize
