She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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