i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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