Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
