i was born a porn star she said
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
