i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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