He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
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