youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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