doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
