I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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