i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
