please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
