I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
