my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize