You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
