Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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