i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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