cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
