I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
