She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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