haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
