I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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