I wish life had little blips of pornography
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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