at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
